BREXIT voters are living in a fantasy world every bit as
made up as Middle Earth or Westeros. Unfortunately, it's a shit one.
A small child is refusing to eat her dinner. Her father,
having exhausted logic such as food assuaging hunger, attempts to exploit her childish
mind.
"If you don't eat your dinner," he warns.
"Mice with the legs of giant spiders will wrap you in webs of melted
cheese and carry you away."
The girl looks at her father as if she was peering over
glasses, even though she doesn't wear them. "Don't be silly, Daddy,"
she replies. "I'm not daft, you know. If there really were mice with the
legs of giant spiders that spun webs of melted cheese, the giant cats with
squid tentacles and faces made of herring would have eaten them."
Welcome to the intellectual world of the EU Referendum,
where facts are routinely ignored in favour of who can spin the most persuasive lie.
I refuse not to be disappointed in the politicians
responsible for this situation. One has to maintain a level of disappointment: it's like putting
oil in your car - as soon as you stop being disappointed the whole system
grinds slowly to a halt. But I'm mostly disappointed by the people of England, the
country of King Arthur, Robin Hood and The Lord of the Rings. It's not even
that they are clearly living in some sort of fantasy world, like
transdimensional beings whose bodies are present in this reality but whose
minds are active on a different plane entirely. No, it's just that given some
sort of collective derangement has made them reinvent their reality, why have
chosen one so unremittingly shit?
The last few years in Britain have not exactly been Utopian. If half the British population want to "get away" in their
heads, "escaping" like Sam Lowry at the end of Brazil, imagining he
can escape bureaucracy, pollution and torture to live an idyllic life in a
mobile home on the slopes of rolling hills, who can blame them?
Except that's not really what they've done. Like Bilbo in
The Hobbit, they escape from goblins to be caught by wolves. Their collective delusion takes a slightly disappointing
reality and replaces it with a really disappointing fantasy. At
least David Icke believes we are in thrall to lizard people. What have we got?
A fantasy world where Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson
are your last hope. A Middle Earth where orcs don't cut you to pieces,
they undercut your friend's friend's painting and decorating business. A medieval kingdom in
the thrall of a dragon that takes £350m a week from you instead of virgin
princesses*. They’ve conjured a world in which a reality which is already
grimly disappointing is unspiced by the idea that’s it’s all about to get worse
because the EU (standing for the Empire of Unbritishness, presumably) is
planning to replace you with a Turk, in some sort of racially confused remake
of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
If you tell these low-rent fantasists that immigration is good for the economy, they
don’t believe you. It’s true that we’ve
not been very good at sharing the benefits of immigration (thanks, austerity); then again we haven’t been very good at sharing the benefits of being a
country stuffed full of rich people, but membership of the Communist Party doesn’t seem to be burgeoning.
This is because people are incredibly selective about their
lies, and they’ve picked one they like. And that’s the disappointment. If you’re going to live in your own world, it
says something rather horrible about you if populate it with a zombie
apocalypse of benefits-eating foreigners rather than, say, talking manta rays and synchronised-swimming
badgers.
I fully intend to exploit my imagination not to exaggerate my misery but to protect me from the bleakness of Brexit Britain. The fact that our collective, mean-spirited delusion is about to compound the evils of the financial crisis and pointless austerity means that I may have to spend the next few decades believing I'm a magic yo-yo. Don't do that to me. Vote Remain.
I fully intend to exploit my imagination not to exaggerate my misery but to protect me from the bleakness of Brexit Britain. The fact that our collective, mean-spirited delusion is about to compound the evils of the financial crisis and pointless austerity means that I may have to spend the next few decades believing I'm a magic yo-yo. Don't do that to me. Vote Remain.
* the true number of virgin princesses** claimed by dragons is heavily disputed, thanks to a rebate and a misunderstanding over whether you get a certain number of princesses back before or after the dragon has eaten them.
** Note the lack of a capital letter. This has nothing to do with Richard Branson.
** Note the lack of a capital letter. This has nothing to do with Richard Branson.